The role of the husband and father cannot be understated. The moral and emotional support you render to each other as new parents is very important. Here are some tips for fathers:
Pregnancy
- Be well informed about various aspects of pregnancy by reading up and sharing what you have learned with your wife. You can reassure your wife about the milder symptoms such as backache
- Attend clinic visits with your wife. Ask questions and be involved in the decision-making process
- You will understand better what your wife is going through when you learn more about the symptoms of pregnancy
- Through the classes, you may learn how to support your wife and manage her symptoms
- Share with each other your expectations and wishes for the labour and delivery
- Decide on birth-related processes such as cord blood donation and whether you would like to cut your baby’s cord
- You may want to check with the clinic if they have an outline of the estimated medical fees
- Do a stock-take of your personal and shared finances
- Your wife will be experiencing a mix of hormonal changes that will affect her physically and emotionally. Sometimes the best answer is just to be there with a warm smile and a listening ear and maybe a foot rub or two!
- Encourage your wife to share her feelings with you. Listen, sympathise, be supportive and patient
- Remember to make time for non-baby moments. Plan activities just like you used to, from taking a walk together, to having a picnic or watching a movie
- Learning that you are going to be a father is a big moment that may come with some stress or worries. This is normal
- A chat with your own father or a friend with children might make you discover how common these feelings are
- A great way to stop stress from overwhelming you is to leap into action. Each task done or preparation ticked off will help you feel more in control. Start figuring out what to pack for the delivery, or planning baby names
- Me-time always helps. Remember to engage in your usual hobbies, and relax and enjoy the process
Keep up to date with the pregnancy
Attend antenatal preparation classes together
Decide on the birth plan together with your wife
Plan your finances
Help your wife manage her emotions
Be open about your own emotions
Childbirth
- Be close by to provide reassurance to your wife
- Physical contact can be a great calming influence, so hold her hand, wipe her face and stroke her hair—whatever she wants
- Assign yourself the role of chief hydrator and feed her regular sips of water
- Many mothers experience back pain and sore muscles during labour, so be at hand to give a gentle and soothing massage
- Changing positions may also help to relieve sore muscles, although your wife may find it difficult to shift on her own, so be there to help her.
- Time to use those breathing techniques you mastered in pre-birth class. With the stress and disorientation brought on by her labour, your wife may have forgotten everything that she has learnt. Remind her, and take long slow breaths together with her.
Allah mentions in the Qur’an, “Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship.” [Surah Luqman 31:14] and “Their mothers bore them in hardship and delivered them in hardship.”
Surah Luqman 31:14 and Surah Al-Ahqaf 46:15 respectively
In these verses, Allah describes labour pain and the experiences of a mother to show that He is not unaware of the pain and hardship she goes through to bring the child into the world. Pregnancy and the delivery of a baby is a struggle (jihad) that the woman goes through that is greatly rewarded by Allah. Being aware of this and understanding the biological and emotional changes that are occurring inside of the woman is imperative for the husband, who is the partner and pillar of support in these hard periods. It is important that he ensures that the needs of the wife are being taken care of and assists in relieving her burdens as much as he can for her well-being and that of the family.
Source: KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital, Office of the Mufti (MUIS)
Fatherhood
- Do not be discouraged when your wife is preoccupied with caring for your baby. Instead, take the time to build that special baby and father bond
- Learn to change your baby’s diaper, give him a bath and comfort him when he cries. Take your baby for a walk or read to him. Your wife will feel much better knowing she can rely on you
- Keep telling her that she’s doing well
- Help your wife manage her expectations of herself
- Try to understand your wife’s love language and use it to make her feel better
- Spend some time together as you did before baby came along
- Stay calm and be the pillar of strength so that you can make good decisions for your family
- Fathers who spend time with their children provide a sense of security and authority to the family
- Children look to their fathers for comfort and assurance whenever they feel insecure or uncertain
- Children with an involved, nurturing and playful father have better educational outcomes and are better able to regulate their emotions and behavior
Be a supportive husband and father
Fathers have a huge impact on their children’s psycho-social development
Source: KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital, Office of the Mufti (MUIS)
Peranan suami dalam kehamilan dari segi mental dan emosi tidak boleh diperkecilkan. Kadang-kadang isteri yang sedang hamil tidak perasan perubahan emosi ataupun tingkah lakunya sendiri. Ada juga yang tidak dapat mengawal perasaan yang melanda onak pemikiran mereka. Suamilah tunjang dalam ikatan ini. Komunikasi yang efektif antara satu sama lain penting untuk mengatasi sebarang ketidakyakinan dalam proses kehamilan, sewaktu melahirkan dan selepas kehadiran anak yang baru lahir. Seandainya anda kurang pasti apa yang perlu dilakukan, minta nasihat ayah, adik-beradik lelaki atau teman-teman yang pernah mengalami proses yang sama. Ini akan membuat anda lebih prihatin dengan perubahan tubuh badan dan emosi isteri anda. Anda akan lebih bersedia menghadapi saatsaat seperti ini dengan lebih tabah. Yang penting, anda terus memberi sokongan kepada pasangan anda.
